the difference between my blog posts and other peoples:

other people tend to write them in some type of word processor, i tend to think mine in my head while sweeping the floor... i dont get many blog hits from that...



also, i would like to take this opportunity to thank dan, over at willwork4followers.danoah.com, for getting me to point that out to myself with this post of his: http://willwork4followers.danoah.com/2011/03/five-rules-you-should-forget-about.html

tho, cant stay long, have to go, my 2yr old is smashing her hands on my keyborad, but you wouldnt say, b.c im really fast with backspace...

(spot the typo in that last line and you win todays "spot the typo"!

xo

One of those nights… when the super ego comes out to play…

So many things happen in the run of a day, in the run of an evening…
So many thoughts rush on by. We either attach or not attach.

Someone threw a snowball at my windshield as I was driving 50 down a dark road at 10pm on a Friday night. I didn’t even flinch, didn’t get a scare, didn’t react with a jump of frady-cat, like I might’ve before, years ago… (Though, even sometimes now, if someone, in my own house, quietly turned a corner and faced me, I’d prolly jump and scream a little bit-- but I blame the conditioning of movies for that… I've seen that scene in movies a LOT! So I expect it to be a clown with a knife, I’m like: “AH!! Oh.. it’s only you… DEEP-BREATH OUT“( “You” being my partner, who I know is the only one home with me, but for some reason, if we cross paths unexpectedly, I tend to scream out an ear deafening yelp as if he is holding a machete, aiming for my throat, (but then I'll giggle and see that he is the one who now looks scared.)

But anyhow..
The snowball thing…

It showed me how awake to the moment I can be... it’s something I have been learning, been working on… the ability to quickly asses a situation at hand, and react accordingly, more rationally. This practice has helped me feel more awake in my life than I have in years (if I ever have!)
I try hard to not attach to events when they arise, just let them run their course… I asses a moment, let it fly on by, move on to enjoy the next one…

It seems as though there are times when I'm so awake and consciously alert, that I cant even be scared of a snowball whacking off my window on a dark rainy drive!
I can be so in-tune with being in the moment, that as soon as the snowball hit the window, and I processed it, that moment to jump in fright was gone, the snowball was gone… I tuned into what happened so fast that I didn’t have time to be frightened, it kind of looked like this:
Me driving along, wide awake, in a consciously self-absorbed state of self analysis and awareness of the moment, turn to check the time on my phone- *!!!WHACK!!!!* *BLANK STARE*“that was a snowball” “on the window” “its not broken” “no big deal” *HERES WHERE MY BODY SLIGHTlY SITS MORE UP-RIGHT*, (a subtle physical reaction which would normally accompany a huge jump, rush of scared feelings, sweat and a rapid heartbeat and maybe some angry words about the SOB who threw the snowball* “whoa that was crazy” “I wasn’t scared at all” “hey that person should not have done that” MEEP-MEEP-MEEP! “hey, why did I meep the horn?” … “that person probably thinks I was meeping out of anger, giving that person a false sense of control, DAMNIT! Why did I meep the horn! I wasn’t angry, I was just sayingL HAY!” “oh well, I meeped the horn, that persons reaction is that persons reaction, im done reacting about it, let. It go…” (yes, I really do think like this.)
LONG SILENT PAUSE (that being about 7 seconds) “Hey. That was kinda cool. How I didn’t jump and get scared.”Though, maybe that means I was lost in thought?” “That it’s not that I'm “so awake”, it’s that im THAT unconscious!” “That, omg, I cant even react to a snowball hitting the window!” “OMG what is wrong with me!?!?”
*PAUSE* “oh, hey! I'm doing that thing again, that super ego crap! Guh!”

Then I continued my drive home.. (taking into account, everything I just wrote up there, ran through my mind in under 26 seconds).

FYI: it took me longer to write this post than it did for that entire situation to unfold!

i know for sure ppl can change...

im sitting here dipping spinach leaves in a tasty dressing and eating it with my 2 year old.
mmm we love this snack!
if someone had said to me 10 yrs ago that id be doing this right now, id think they were nuts!
back then, it was chips n dip, and candy and chocolate, and probably a smoke and a pepsi.
now its spinach n dip, and hummus and crackers, and nuts and a water..
times. dey sure have changed.

sometimes...

i can really hide out in my life so deeply...
that i can forget that theres other lives here to hide out with...
don't need to be so alone in it.
i used to think that.or well... maybe i never really thought about it at all.

simply loves my inner world...

i do. my inner world is a place full of love and hope and expectation of pure happiness for all!

now. if i could only get it more... outer.

...then more people could enjoy it.

and thats what livings all about.

enjoying it and other ppl.