So many things happen in the run of a day, in the run of an evening…
So many thoughts rush on by. We either attach or not attach.
Someone threw a snowball at my windshield as I was driving 50 down a dark road at 10pm on a Friday night. I didn’t even flinch, didn’t get a scare, didn’t react with a jump of frady-cat, like I might’ve before, years ago… (Though, even sometimes now, if someone, in my own house, quietly turned a corner and faced me, I’d prolly jump and scream a little bit-- but I blame the conditioning of movies for that… I've seen that scene in movies a LOT! So I expect it to be a clown with a knife, I’m like: “AH!! Oh.. it’s only you… DEEP-BREATH OUT“( “You” being my partner, who I know is the only one home with me, but for some reason, if we cross paths unexpectedly, I tend to scream out an ear deafening yelp as if he is holding a machete, aiming for my throat, (but then I'll giggle and see that he is the one who now looks scared.)
The snowball thing…
It showed me how awake to the moment I can be... it’s something I have been learning, been working on… the ability to quickly asses a situation at hand, and react accordingly, more rationally. This practice has helped me feel more awake in my life than I have in years (if I ever have!)
I try hard to not attach to events when they arise, just let them run their course… I asses a moment, let it fly on by, move on to enjoy the next one…
It seems as though there are times when I'm so awake and consciously alert, that I cant even be scared of a snowball whacking off my window on a dark rainy drive!
Me driving along, wide awake, in a consciously self-absorbed state of self analysis and awareness of the moment, turn to check the time on my phone- *!!!WHACK!!!!* *BLANK STARE*“that was a snowball” “on the window” “its not broken” “no big deal” *HERES WHERE MY BODY SLIGHTlY SITS MORE UP-RIGHT*, (a subtle physical reaction which would normally accompany a huge jump, rush of scared feelings, sweat and a rapid heartbeat and maybe some angry words about the SOB who threw the snowball* “whoa that was crazy” “I wasn’t scared at all” “hey that person should not have done that” MEEP-MEEP-MEEP! “hey, why did I meep the horn?” … “that person probably thinks I was meeping out of anger, giving that person a false sense of control, DAMNIT! Why did I meep the horn! I wasn’t angry, I was just sayingL HAY!” “oh well, I meeped the horn, that persons reaction is that persons reaction, im done reacting about it, let. It go…” (yes, I really do think like this.)
LONG SILENT PAUSE (that being about 7 seconds) “Hey. That was kinda cool. How I didn’t jump and get scared.”Though, maybe that means I was lost in thought?” “That it’s not that I'm “so awake”, it’s that im THAT unconscious!” “That, omg, I cant even react to a snowball hitting the window!” “OMG what is wrong with me!?!?”
*PAUSE* “oh, hey! I'm doing that thing again, that super ego crap! Guh!”
Then I continued my drive home.. (taking into account, everything I just wrote up there, ran through my mind in under 26 seconds).
FYI: it took me longer to write this post than it did for that entire situation to unfold!