from the moment i saw the cover of eat pray love on a shelf at shoppers, i knew i was meant to read it. i didnt have the cash on me that day, but i knew i was going to stumble upon it soon enough. then a little while later i saw the ad for the movie somewhere (maybe facebook? i cant remember where). and i knew deep within my soul (and i dont care how hippie-religious that sounds! ;) i was meant to watch, read, experience this story.
so i tried what most recently-introduced-to-the-wonderful-world-of-downloading person would do, tried to download it! but it hadnt even been in theaters yet, and its weird b.c usually i dont hear about movies until its been out a while and people on facebook are going on about them, but this movie was seeking me! (yes im THAT in love with this story, and THAT hippie-religious!)
i couldn’t find the movie. so i tried to download the book and hit the jackpot when it was the audiobook and not a text version! (reading too much txt on my computer gives me crazy headaches!) this audio book is AMAZING-- much better when the authors themselves read. her voice, her expression, her depth, her honesty, her cries for help, her songs of joy, the way she subtly expresses the various accents she encounters and her delicate italian, all make for an inspiring experience.
one woman who said she "tried" to read the book said she had to “throw it down” b.c it was “ridiculous how she thinks that everyday people can just up and leave their lives and responsibilities to go on a year of exploring these countries to “find themselves”” (she really snotted up her tone when she said that part).
and of course, many people cant just up and leave and go on a spiritual journey through three countries… but that’s not what the book is about. shes not telling us that that’s the only way to enlighten ourselves. what I got from it was that we all need to find ways to incorporate those main cultural beliefs she expresses of each of them. the pleasure and relaxation and enjoyment of food and drink of italy, the deep meditative mindset and dedication of spirit of india, and the balance of life and simple living in indonesia. besides, if we all (like, billions of us) jumped on a plane to go do what she did, we wouldn’t get the same outcome b/c all of us seekers and scramblers would over flow the place and change the whole dynamic and ruin it all anyhow!
the book is about personal discovery. personal analysis. making changes to live more balanced and in tune and honest with out own desires and purpose in life.
there is so much to this book that I could blog for days about it!
here are some of the things I jotted during the movie:
(even tho I mentioned this above, I feel the need to reiterate here again:
I think we all need to posses a little of each idea from all 3 countries: italy, india, indonesia. its about finding the balance, mixed with pleasure, trust, and dedication. when we are living in balance, the earth will then too live in balance.
this movie/book is trying to get those ideas into the mainstream media (even tho its tootin’ the heterosexual horn like SOO many other movies, but that’s hard to avoid, especially when it’s a personal story of relationships, but ill save the heterosexual regurgitation in movies rant for another blog!)
with more and more people in the masses beginning to open up to these ideas, it should surely help that shift that’s inevitably needing to happen.
(i also have paragraph bitching about the previews before this movie. i dislike so many movies out there… its always the same stereotype bullshit. again, ill save that for another blog!)
another thing I love about the movie is the choice of music. stevie nicks, neil young, pearl jam, all sorts of inspiring lyrics and sounds throughout.
i believe julia roberts. shes playing the role so well. how many of us have actually cried like that? pouring our souls out through our eyes, dying inside for change.
the audiobook was a KABILLION times better than the movie. the depth of which it goes into culture, history, language, emotions, they cant really capture all of that in a 2.5 hour movie (im also delighted it was a 2.5 hour movie! if it was shorter i may have been disappointed).
ive had a recurring thought throughout this movie: lord, i relate to THAT!
i wish i were warmer, it’s a tad chilly here in the theater.
getting married makes me go: hmmm. At least the only thing holding me on to my mr is my word and physical reality. i really don’t need a piece of paper and a made-up societal bond forcing us to stay together if we ever decided to call it quits. imagine! him having the power to simply not sign a piece of paper, bonding me to him forever! NO FRIGGIN WAY DUDE! lol
i walked through italy in a fight with my bf at the time. i relate to the italy part in so many ways! eating a lot of delicious food, drinking a lot of zealous wines, strolling along ogling every detail of the art and structures and people, all with simmering relationship bullshit humming my undertone. i only wish i had drank more and eaten more--I wouldnt trade the distance and stress between us at the time, it helped confirm that we were over-over. i enjoyed every moment of my drunken, full-belly alone bliss. following behind the flock of travelers in our group. i was alone. i was slightly sad. but i was in ITALY!
the thanksgiving part was much too different. in the book its much more tear-jerking I think.
oh, i love the scene where she's frantically being driven through the streets, with her hand out the window and all the kids reaching for her, i feel it. see purpose in it. will do that. with passion
omg her thoughts are soo much like mine!
“do u always talk in bumper sticker?” lol a fave line for sure.
i don't like how she seems much harsher with richard from texas in the movie.
the scene with richard missing his son was powerful, real. and need to be seen by a lot of people. anyone who might relate. the msg I got from it: forgive ourselves before its too late and make changes while we still can.
i cant wait to take a vow of silence!!! i've been saying it for years! but i can't do it with kids, especially when there's one learning the basics of language- that would be cruel. but i will eventually!
smile meditation! i LOVE it. a friend began saying that to me several years ago, it has stuck with me. and in psychology class we discussed the power of one little smile. SMILE OUT LOUD AND FEEL IT! (do it. right here right now! doooo it! :)
I kin’a wana.
I kin’a wana.. go, I kin’a wana.. stay an’ watch this, I kin’a wana.. write, I kin’a wana.. read my book, I kin’a wana.. sleep, I kin’a wana.. tidy up some more, I don’t know what i wana to do really. But it’s something.
so I wrote this.
and now I don’t know what im guna do when i stop.
maybe that’s why I haven’t stopped yet.
(a glimmer of thoughts of things eckhart tolle has written flashed through my mind just now, but I have no idea what they are or, especially, what they might mean)
peace luh.
so I wrote this.
and now I don’t know what im guna do when i stop.
maybe that’s why I haven’t stopped yet.
(a glimmer of thoughts of things eckhart tolle has written flashed through my mind just now, but I have no idea what they are or, especially, what they might mean)
peace luh.
just for the record ...
...those ads dont appear to be viruses, they are safe to click as far as i can tell.
i cant wait to have my own website, to be able to advertise for things im overly interested in supporting... thats going to be nice :)
breastfeeding
(i wanted to sneak that word in just now to see if an ad for breastfeeding instead of 'the other stuff'* pops up.)
*if i type the word here, i was told it will only reinforce the ad more ;)
i cant wait to have my own website, to be able to advertise for things im overly interested in supporting... thats going to be nice :)
breastfeeding
(i wanted to sneak that word in just now to see if an ad for breastfeeding instead of 'the other stuff'* pops up.)
*if i type the word here, i was told it will only reinforce the ad more ;)
you cant expect people to offer you inspiration...
...you must draw it from them and offer it to them.
THOUGHT: "yes, ill settle into a painting tonight”... but ended up on george street instead!
i love random acts of hanging out with random people in my life! it was such a fun night C.D :)
had many random convos, lots of mini-enlightening moments, mixed with a lil bit of dancing (b.c i dont always like to dance).
i feel my idea of “going out for drinks” has changed significantly over the years.
there was a time when it was all about feeling good, letting loose, dressing-up, dancing, and mixed with a young twinge of hoping to find a soul mate to share this insanity.
then it shifted to, feeling good with friends, watching and experiencing a band, yet still dancing ad dressing up and looking for that person (even while being with someone else at times *shrugs*)
now its about getting a bottled water, wandering until i feel energy thats most comfy, hanging with friends, being in the moment, analyzing the energies that i meet, watching my thoughts flow, feeling out situations, analyzing my own reactions, living for the feeling of passion and joy and seeing it in anyone in the room! now i just look for compatible beings, without the attraction. but. thats not always easy to get in return, a lot of people mistake my curiosity of them for attraction, but then I just politely move on…
i love live music, i love the energy of a crowd, all dancing out of pure beingness. (yes that was a little “hippie” --even for me!)
going to a dance bar tonight was such an unbelievable time warp. standing there with people dressed for the catwalk I felt very out of place. some people look so lost and confused, just starring at body parts, twitching while dancing. there are certain types of energy that i just cant be around... anymore.
that over-sexual-driven energy of the young 20's is really something im past. it seems so vulnerable and alone, putting yourself out there for everyone and anyone...just someone!
desperation, instead of inspiration.
ive moved on to inspiration.
ive developed a thirst for real-life people living real-life moments, being themselves in the moment and running with that spirit.
damit! there’s a fly on the bamboo and i cant find my camera! i could look for it, but its too late, itll probably fly away just as i find it-its gone now! what a beautiful pic that wouldve been- was... in my mind!
well anyhow, i hate that mcdonalds tastes so damn good. it truly pisses me off. the last 3-4 years i have stated every time i have mcdonalds: this very well might be the last time i have it!
sucks that a part of me knows i may give in and splurge again sometime, the last time before tonight was like, 6 mths or a year ago. something like that. i dont really remember. and thats how i like it!
so when i do splurge every 6 mths to a yr, i make a point to combine: liking it for the taste and justifying that “theres gotta be SOMETHING good in it!”... with... true detest and yearn for change in the processed crap we are pretty much forced to eat.
whatever. i ate it. i had a big mac and a regular fries (theres NO WAY i supersize and i like to drink warm water with it... cold will congeal most of it before it hits my stomach... and we DONT need that!)
well. it was a great random adventure with a great random friend. and i saw some familiar faces, they always make me smile :)
had many random convos, lots of mini-enlightening moments, mixed with a lil bit of dancing (b.c i dont always like to dance).
i feel my idea of “going out for drinks” has changed significantly over the years.
there was a time when it was all about feeling good, letting loose, dressing-up, dancing, and mixed with a young twinge of hoping to find a soul mate to share this insanity.
then it shifted to, feeling good with friends, watching and experiencing a band, yet still dancing ad dressing up and looking for that person (even while being with someone else at times *shrugs*)
now its about getting a bottled water, wandering until i feel energy thats most comfy, hanging with friends, being in the moment, analyzing the energies that i meet, watching my thoughts flow, feeling out situations, analyzing my own reactions, living for the feeling of passion and joy and seeing it in anyone in the room! now i just look for compatible beings, without the attraction. but. thats not always easy to get in return, a lot of people mistake my curiosity of them for attraction, but then I just politely move on…
i love live music, i love the energy of a crowd, all dancing out of pure beingness. (yes that was a little “hippie” --even for me!)
going to a dance bar tonight was such an unbelievable time warp. standing there with people dressed for the catwalk I felt very out of place. some people look so lost and confused, just starring at body parts, twitching while dancing. there are certain types of energy that i just cant be around... anymore.
that over-sexual-driven energy of the young 20's is really something im past. it seems so vulnerable and alone, putting yourself out there for everyone and anyone...just someone!
desperation, instead of inspiration.
ive moved on to inspiration.
ive developed a thirst for real-life people living real-life moments, being themselves in the moment and running with that spirit.
damit! there’s a fly on the bamboo and i cant find my camera! i could look for it, but its too late, itll probably fly away just as i find it-its gone now! what a beautiful pic that wouldve been- was... in my mind!
well anyhow, i hate that mcdonalds tastes so damn good. it truly pisses me off. the last 3-4 years i have stated every time i have mcdonalds: this very well might be the last time i have it!
sucks that a part of me knows i may give in and splurge again sometime, the last time before tonight was like, 6 mths or a year ago. something like that. i dont really remember. and thats how i like it!
so when i do splurge every 6 mths to a yr, i make a point to combine: liking it for the taste and justifying that “theres gotta be SOMETHING good in it!”... with... true detest and yearn for change in the processed crap we are pretty much forced to eat.
whatever. i ate it. i had a big mac and a regular fries (theres NO WAY i supersize and i like to drink warm water with it... cold will congeal most of it before it hits my stomach... and we DONT need that!)
well. it was a great random adventure with a great random friend. and i saw some familiar faces, they always make me smile :)
trying to write and also be a stay-at-home mom (of children and pets) poses over-lapping moments that i could maybe do without.
for the most part, its quite smooth for an hour or more steady some days, tho most times im only getting snippets of lines jotted down randomly thorough out the day; on the macbook, on my cellphone or a scrap of paper. It looks like a verbal accident scene if you step back and look at it, words and letters and typos strewn between the technologies and random pieces of paper and notebooks i have everywhere.
so for the most part, those writing hours or moments are often quite zen and relaxing and joyfully overwhelming when i think about them too much. I love sitting there writing or reading, and taking a split moment to look around the room and revel in the surroundings that are my life. baby playing joyfully next to me with books or blocks or fake fruit or paper and a marker, meg either out with her friends or reading or playing next to me or in the other room, drew off doing his things somewhere in the house or the world, a dove probably on my head or cooing on the railing, ralfee the bestest puppy in the world snoozing next to me, the bunny sitting with ears popped up , wiggling from her chewing, the plants being their amazing selves just happy to be there in the room with us, its quite relaxing and productive for us all really.
But then randomly, as im sitting there lost in some world or idea im blabbering about, something over-excitable happens to snap me out of my world. sometimes mid-word. Either ralfee will start her thunderously vicious barking as if someone with a gun just ran in here or the dove will fly outta nowhere and feathers will attack me in a gust of fluttery wind and thats enough to scare the crap out of some ppl no matter what theyre doing!, or drew will sing out something random to think about or ask a question about something (more than likely asking where something is;), or meg will run up to me about something important or just walk in the room singing something randomly loud.
Or perhaps: sunara will all-of-a-sudden get tremendously upset about something, letting a huge freak-out shriek from wherever she is in the room-sometimes right next to my head. That gets my heart pumping! Like wtf is wrong..are you IN PAIN!?!?
The worst moments are when something happens in mid sentence, scaring the crap out of the thought and making it run away forever!
I just barely feel the grammar of the emotion or idea, had it slightly brewing waiting to be eloquently formed in a sentence, but it wasnt brewing quiet long enough, you couldnt even tell there had been a teabag in the water by the looks of of those few watery words i poured out. (wait, yeah its awkward sometimes when i try to run with a metaphor)-
But the point: the thought is GONE!
The first 3 or so words hang awkwardly in the white air and i tune out for a split second (which means i take a nano-moment to myself, out of the room, of a barking dog, bird flying at my head, or baby screaming from down by my feet) to try and see if i could just type the rest of it really fast, just for a second, surely it wont take longer than a second, to have a thought that i just had! b.c i realllly want to get that thought out, i really really do...or maybe,sadly, DID want to get it out... GUH stupid short term memory. I think apple should do the next version of the human brain- the wordprocessor saves all words as i type! If theres a program failure, all i have to do wait for the recovery to pop up and open it again and VOILA! there it is, in all its genius glory! See, if the human brain worked like that, i could just jump up and go to whatever the interruption was and safely trust the idea will pop right back up when i sit to finish the line. Pfft. That hasnt happened yet.
I usually have to take my nano-moment and sit and pray for the rest of the words to appear, just hurrying the thought to come out, hurry hurrrrry, it should only take a second right? I DID just have this thought didnt i? WHERE THE HELL IS THE THOUGHT! AHGHGGHHH!
Then, over my overzealously loud inner voice, I hear the dog bark or the question repeated or feel poop on my face from the bird, or the baby freaks-out and screams at me again: MOOOMMMMYYEEEEEEE!!
if its her: sometimes i look at her, and it appears there is nothing wrong. Im like, you interrupted this glorious thought for NOTHING? But i smile ... and move on.
(for the record! : all that too took way longer to read about, and even more 'way longer' to write about, than it took to actually happen, its not like i sit for hours and let my baby scream on the floor (havent gotten hate mail yet, surely something will trigger it eventually, ill always try to offer some words to cover my ass, i mean, explian myself.)
i know random interruptions are inevitable, its all in how i deal with them that must count.
so i try to always graciously put down my desire of finishing the thought and go to the kid, or the person, or the dog, or the door, or the phone, try to figure out what this interruption wants with me.
I take the opportunity to give the law of attraction a chance to prove itself to me again, so i gratefully remind myself that the line will probably finish it self sometime, or the idea will come about again in some other way when its ready, or (depending on my mood that day)...it wont and that line may have been my only chance to positively change the course of my entire life and the universe forever and now its GONE GONE GONNNE!!!
breathe in.
Breathe out.
Smile.
Make fun of myself in blog form.
so for the most part, those writing hours or moments are often quite zen and relaxing and joyfully overwhelming when i think about them too much. I love sitting there writing or reading, and taking a split moment to look around the room and revel in the surroundings that are my life. baby playing joyfully next to me with books or blocks or fake fruit or paper and a marker, meg either out with her friends or reading or playing next to me or in the other room, drew off doing his things somewhere in the house or the world, a dove probably on my head or cooing on the railing, ralfee the bestest puppy in the world snoozing next to me, the bunny sitting with ears popped up , wiggling from her chewing, the plants being their amazing selves just happy to be there in the room with us, its quite relaxing and productive for us all really.
But then randomly, as im sitting there lost in some world or idea im blabbering about, something over-excitable happens to snap me out of my world. sometimes mid-word. Either ralfee will start her thunderously vicious barking as if someone with a gun just ran in here or the dove will fly outta nowhere and feathers will attack me in a gust of fluttery wind and thats enough to scare the crap out of some ppl no matter what theyre doing!, or drew will sing out something random to think about or ask a question about something (more than likely asking where something is;), or meg will run up to me about something important or just walk in the room singing something randomly loud.
Or perhaps: sunara will all-of-a-sudden get tremendously upset about something, letting a huge freak-out shriek from wherever she is in the room-sometimes right next to my head. That gets my heart pumping! Like wtf is wrong..are you IN PAIN!?!?
The worst moments are when something happens in mid sentence, scaring the crap out of the thought and making it run away forever!
I just barely feel the grammar of the emotion or idea, had it slightly brewing waiting to be eloquently formed in a sentence, but it wasnt brewing quiet long enough, you couldnt even tell there had been a teabag in the water by the looks of of those few watery words i poured out. (wait, yeah its awkward sometimes when i try to run with a metaphor)-
But the point: the thought is GONE!
The first 3 or so words hang awkwardly in the white air and i tune out for a split second (which means i take a nano-moment to myself, out of the room, of a barking dog, bird flying at my head, or baby screaming from down by my feet) to try and see if i could just type the rest of it really fast, just for a second, surely it wont take longer than a second, to have a thought that i just had! b.c i realllly want to get that thought out, i really really do...or maybe,sadly, DID want to get it out... GUH stupid short term memory. I think apple should do the next version of the human brain- the wordprocessor saves all words as i type! If theres a program failure, all i have to do wait for the recovery to pop up and open it again and VOILA! there it is, in all its genius glory! See, if the human brain worked like that, i could just jump up and go to whatever the interruption was and safely trust the idea will pop right back up when i sit to finish the line. Pfft. That hasnt happened yet.
I usually have to take my nano-moment and sit and pray for the rest of the words to appear, just hurrying the thought to come out, hurry hurrrrry, it should only take a second right? I DID just have this thought didnt i? WHERE THE HELL IS THE THOUGHT! AHGHGGHHH!
Then, over my overzealously loud inner voice, I hear the dog bark or the question repeated or feel poop on my face from the bird, or the baby freaks-out and screams at me again: MOOOMMMMYYEEEEEEE!!
if its her: sometimes i look at her, and it appears there is nothing wrong. Im like, you interrupted this glorious thought for NOTHING? But i smile ... and move on.
(for the record! : all that too took way longer to read about, and even more 'way longer' to write about, than it took to actually happen, its not like i sit for hours and let my baby scream on the floor (havent gotten hate mail yet, surely something will trigger it eventually, ill always try to offer some words to cover my ass, i mean, explian myself.)
i know random interruptions are inevitable, its all in how i deal with them that must count.
so i try to always graciously put down my desire of finishing the thought and go to the kid, or the person, or the dog, or the door, or the phone, try to figure out what this interruption wants with me.
I take the opportunity to give the law of attraction a chance to prove itself to me again, so i gratefully remind myself that the line will probably finish it self sometime, or the idea will come about again in some other way when its ready, or (depending on my mood that day)...it wont and that line may have been my only chance to positively change the course of my entire life and the universe forever and now its GONE GONE GONNNE!!!
breathe in.
Breathe out.
Smile.
Make fun of myself in blog form.
A blog about the ads that are on my blog (working title, someone told me to title it that lol)
(i also thought to title it: NOOOO DONT CLICK THOSE ADS!)
bahahaha so i was interested in finding out more about the adsense option, see if its true that its easy to making money from google. I was very curious as to how it works and what kinds of ads would be posted and if any income would ever generate from it.
At first it seemed mostly harmless, all i saw were these listed:
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then i saw one for twilight and one for baby formula and i was like: NO WAY! Lol so i tried to go and contact the adsense people and ask if i can chose from a list of ads i will allow on my blog... but that was taking forever and i only came to a page that read:
Server Error
The server encountered a temporary error and could not complete your request.
Please try again in 30 seconds.
so i really dont think they are going to be easy to get in touch with about this lol
and as i was searching to contact, i hear from the other room: haha tammy, theres an ad for formula on your blog! Haha and one “to meet fun catholics in your area”... yeah you should do a blog about you blog ads ..
haha yip, and here i am! These ads dont sit well with me!
but im going to try see if i can choose what i want there or im deleting this experiment for good and continue my search for a decent blog site to use.
It cant be this way, there has to be a better way! lol
(for the record: if you click them, i somehow might make money, feel feel to try it out and ill let you know what happens,lol hurry tho, sale probably wont last long!)
bahahaha so i was interested in finding out more about the adsense option, see if its true that its easy to making money from google. I was very curious as to how it works and what kinds of ads would be posted and if any income would ever generate from it.
At first it seemed mostly harmless, all i saw were these listed:
do you have a BLOG?
Get a Laptop + Free HDTV
Blogspot Templates
Find Blogspot Templates Here. We Have Every Template, Visit Now!
TemplateTracker.org
#1 Blogger Template Maker
Generate unlimited Web Design Ideas Be a designer without knowing HTML
www.Artisteer.com
then i saw one for twilight and one for baby formula and i was like: NO WAY! Lol so i tried to go and contact the adsense people and ask if i can chose from a list of ads i will allow on my blog... but that was taking forever and i only came to a page that read:
Server Error
The server encountered a temporary error and could not complete your request.
Please try again in 30 seconds.
so i really dont think they are going to be easy to get in touch with about this lol
and as i was searching to contact, i hear from the other room: haha tammy, theres an ad for formula on your blog! Haha and one “to meet fun catholics in your area”... yeah you should do a blog about you blog ads ..
haha yip, and here i am! These ads dont sit well with me!
but im going to try see if i can choose what i want there or im deleting this experiment for good and continue my search for a decent blog site to use.
It cant be this way, there has to be a better way! lol
(for the record: if you click them, i somehow might make money, feel feel to try it out and ill let you know what happens,lol hurry tho, sale probably wont last long!)
how i compare the iphone and blackberries
(first of all, the iphones powerful title "the" gives it more oopmh than the blackberries generalized term. (*check one* for theee iphone!)
i see blackberries as overzealous phones with the awesome power to check emails and do a lot more than your typical cell phone and has a wicket fun blackberry chat and can store lots of semi-decent pics, tho at a rate that which you should expect from a cell phone.
but i see the iphone as mini super-duper macbook! it can do most online things as fast (or sometimes faster!) than some macbooks or laptops and computers. but its just smaller and more portable, and the pics are way better and fun to look at, very fast interface (*check two* and *check three* and *four* and *five* for the iphone)
for the record, they both have equally good call quality. tho the iphone has the very cool looking interface for dialing and other call options (*check six*)
and thats my quick jot-note about the two... tho im totally leaving out a LOT... but. whateve.
i see blackberries as overzealous phones with the awesome power to check emails and do a lot more than your typical cell phone and has a wicket fun blackberry chat and can store lots of semi-decent pics, tho at a rate that which you should expect from a cell phone.
but i see the iphone as mini super-duper macbook! it can do most online things as fast (or sometimes faster!) than some macbooks or laptops and computers. but its just smaller and more portable, and the pics are way better and fun to look at, very fast interface (*check two* and *check three* and *four* and *five* for the iphone)
for the record, they both have equally good call quality. tho the iphone has the very cool looking interface for dialing and other call options (*check six*)
and thats my quick jot-note about the two... tho im totally leaving out a LOT... but. whateve.
soak it up.. soak it all up.
when my oldest daughter was very young, a friend of mine described her, and all young children, as being “sponges”. that analogy has stuck with me through the years, i saw what she meant and i loved it. over the years i have decided to feel my sponge-like nature as much as i can... as i grow i dont want to become the alternative: an old dried up, hard, non-absorbent piece of material (im talking sea sponge, out of the ocean, drying on land in the hot sun all summer long hardness, ever see that? ;) I want to continue to absorb whatever i can around me. I may not be the youthful, highly absorbent, brand new, just-out-of-the-package sponge i used to be... might have some worn and crusty edges but im working to not ever be entirely hardened.
peek-a-boo i-see-you.. do you see me?
why does it seem that people that i know become people who say hello when i see them on the street. (THERES VERY VITAL WORDS AND MEANINGS TYPO-ED OUT OF THIS LINE, BUT I CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WERE. THIS SENTENCE WAS NOT MEANT TO SAY WHAT IT DOES, AND IF SOMEONE FIGURES OUT WHAT I MEANT, YOU WIN A PRIZE!!)
i know i was trying to say something about running into people that i know and not saying hello to them or noticing them not saying hello to me .. only i was tryin way too hard to be poetic during that first sentence and lost all sight of what the heck i was trying to say.
i, for the most part, love saying hello to people i know when i run into them randomly.
Even if it will be slightly (or painfully) awkward. (tho there are times when im just not in the mood to talk or go through any introductions if im with other people)
i usually always make sure to have good thoughts or feelings about people i see that i know.
but when i notice that someone seems as though they are ignoring or avoiding me, i sometimes get paranoid, (or maybe its being perceptive and im actually picking up on something that person is thinking or feeling, (tho, trusting in intuition, has been argued, to run the risk of being wrong and trusting in too much of your own personal stories and beliefs about that person. Maybe what i think that person must be thinking or feeling about me, really is only a paranoid delusion created by some entity inside myself (i like to call it “ego”). how do i know the intuition, that i work so hard to trust, is accurate and something that i should trust?)
So sometimes when people seemingly “ignore me”, i wonder if they even remember who i am? Maybe they dont recall meeting me or knowing me at all. if notice someone avoiding my eye contact, i wonder things like: do they not like me? did i offend them or disgust them in any way? have i done something, to them or someone they know? do they [think] they know something about me?
but sometimes, i try to reassure myself, and think: hey, maybe theyre just not in a talking sort of mood.
so how do i know the things im thinking of the people in my life are the things that are right and i should be believing?
i have to work to remain open-minded about it all. trust that i pose the ability to trust my intuition and guide, and to still act from a place of love and hope to change any held perceptions some person may hold of me into something more in the present moment, right now, when it truly counts.
all we really can give each other is our undivided love and attention and quest for creativity while we are in the same room and breathing/being space- no matter what past preconceived notions may have left us thinking.
obviously it may be hard sometimes to say hello to everyone in a room or public building, and even more impossible to run on deeply creative driven conversations, but i like to try and slip those types of convos in there too.
if we cant psychically say hi or anything more, its the smile across the room to say “hey, i know you!? How ya doin!?” that counts. we can have those little moments. they count just as much as the big long drawn out, creative driven ones!
wonder what people think? wonder what they feel? wonder do they ponder self-created ego stories about things about me and themselves, that may or may not be true? or wonder if they simply feel the love, and that is it. just wanting to smile at me and be smiled at by me.
oh people! us messed up, confused, amazing creatures!
i know i was trying to say something about running into people that i know and not saying hello to them or noticing them not saying hello to me .. only i was tryin way too hard to be poetic during that first sentence and lost all sight of what the heck i was trying to say.
i, for the most part, love saying hello to people i know when i run into them randomly.
Even if it will be slightly (or painfully) awkward. (tho there are times when im just not in the mood to talk or go through any introductions if im with other people)
i usually always make sure to have good thoughts or feelings about people i see that i know.
but when i notice that someone seems as though they are ignoring or avoiding me, i sometimes get paranoid, (or maybe its being perceptive and im actually picking up on something that person is thinking or feeling, (tho, trusting in intuition, has been argued, to run the risk of being wrong and trusting in too much of your own personal stories and beliefs about that person. Maybe what i think that person must be thinking or feeling about me, really is only a paranoid delusion created by some entity inside myself (i like to call it “ego”). how do i know the intuition, that i work so hard to trust, is accurate and something that i should trust?)
So sometimes when people seemingly “ignore me”, i wonder if they even remember who i am? Maybe they dont recall meeting me or knowing me at all. if notice someone avoiding my eye contact, i wonder things like: do they not like me? did i offend them or disgust them in any way? have i done something, to them or someone they know? do they [think] they know something about me?
but sometimes, i try to reassure myself, and think: hey, maybe theyre just not in a talking sort of mood.
so how do i know the things im thinking of the people in my life are the things that are right and i should be believing?
i have to work to remain open-minded about it all. trust that i pose the ability to trust my intuition and guide, and to still act from a place of love and hope to change any held perceptions some person may hold of me into something more in the present moment, right now, when it truly counts.
all we really can give each other is our undivided love and attention and quest for creativity while we are in the same room and breathing/being space- no matter what past preconceived notions may have left us thinking.
obviously it may be hard sometimes to say hello to everyone in a room or public building, and even more impossible to run on deeply creative driven conversations, but i like to try and slip those types of convos in there too.
if we cant psychically say hi or anything more, its the smile across the room to say “hey, i know you!? How ya doin!?” that counts. we can have those little moments. they count just as much as the big long drawn out, creative driven ones!
wonder what people think? wonder what they feel? wonder do they ponder self-created ego stories about things about me and themselves, that may or may not be true? or wonder if they simply feel the love, and that is it. just wanting to smile at me and be smiled at by me.
oh people! us messed up, confused, amazing creatures!
the key to making sure you understand what a movie is about...
...is actually paying attention, and not being on facebook ;)
How can we be expected to live up to some higher potential during those times when it takes over 5 mins or more sometimes to do the stupidest little things?
Like pouring up a drink for my 2 yr old. I should only have to open the fridge, open the lids of the milk and the cup and pour, right? What? less than a minute at least?! But sometimes theres sooooo much more added to these things-to-do!
picture this: shes crying up at me wanting a drink so bad its bringing tears to her eyes, im trying to console her and open the fridge and her cup at the exact same time, i end the struggle with the cup and poke the lid under my arm and proceed to opening the soymilk carton IN the fridge, to save time (it would take FOREVER to bring it to the counter now!), and i unfortunately drop the small cover down between the rails of the shelf (causing later, an added 5 min, deep-fridge search for it!), i take the milk out of the fridge holding it in one hand at the table, where i have attempted to stand up the cup (with my right hand!), only i drop the cup, pick the cup back up, drop the cup once more, pick it up again, sit it down, and then knock it down once more with the carton being too close, then finally standing it back up, begin filling it up, which is when i look down at her quickly with a smile and some calming words of love to her semi-screams and tears, i jump back into getting this job done, finish the last lil drop in and spill a plop of milk all over the side of the cup forming a small soymilk puddle on the table, i move on quickly beginning the work of twisting the lid back on, which sometimes happens with the ease of which youd expect, but sometimes, like this time, it put up that questionable struggle where the lines and groves just didnt line up at all and i was left struggling to twist that sucker back on, while trying not to splash more milk up over the side and also begin working my way over to the dish cloth to clean up the side of the cup- before handing it to little thirsty crying fingers who i want to keep clean of milk- upon which i canNOT for the life of me seem to get to b.c this friggin lid just wont go back on! I finally reach the cloth (after a good nano-nano second- which can be understood as being a lifetime if you look deeply enough), i wrap it around the cup, use the rest of the cloth to grip the lid and finally, magically figure out the tongue and groove lid and put it in place) i reach back while cleaning the cup in a smooth motion of pure joy knowing my baby will have her milk in just a few more nano seconds and she gets it and smiles and puts it to her lips and i smile and then walk to get the milk and go to pick it up but its slippery and it falls on the table, spilling another plop of milk on the table, luckily i have the cloth so i get it wiped up right away and then begin the 5 min search for the lid. * AIR EXHALING DEEPLY *
Now. I know it may have seemed i overdramatized the entire situation, but i assure you thats a pretty accurate description of something that shouldve have been quicker and more efficient, only ending up taking a 7-8 min prolonged turn of events.
are those types of moments significant in any way? or is it just the way of life? the mundane nuances of being humans, needing drinks, having mini freak accidents interfere, things that didnt seem to need any planning or didnt seem like it would waste any energy at all, ending up burning what could be considered a lot of precious time and energy in our moments.
so, maybe its simply our reaction to these moments that count the most. yeah. Maybe we have to blog about EVERY SINGLE ONE OF them to figure em all out! ;)
picture this: shes crying up at me wanting a drink so bad its bringing tears to her eyes, im trying to console her and open the fridge and her cup at the exact same time, i end the struggle with the cup and poke the lid under my arm and proceed to opening the soymilk carton IN the fridge, to save time (it would take FOREVER to bring it to the counter now!), and i unfortunately drop the small cover down between the rails of the shelf (causing later, an added 5 min, deep-fridge search for it!), i take the milk out of the fridge holding it in one hand at the table, where i have attempted to stand up the cup (with my right hand!), only i drop the cup, pick the cup back up, drop the cup once more, pick it up again, sit it down, and then knock it down once more with the carton being too close, then finally standing it back up, begin filling it up, which is when i look down at her quickly with a smile and some calming words of love to her semi-screams and tears, i jump back into getting this job done, finish the last lil drop in and spill a plop of milk all over the side of the cup forming a small soymilk puddle on the table, i move on quickly beginning the work of twisting the lid back on, which sometimes happens with the ease of which youd expect, but sometimes, like this time, it put up that questionable struggle where the lines and groves just didnt line up at all and i was left struggling to twist that sucker back on, while trying not to splash more milk up over the side and also begin working my way over to the dish cloth to clean up the side of the cup- before handing it to little thirsty crying fingers who i want to keep clean of milk- upon which i canNOT for the life of me seem to get to b.c this friggin lid just wont go back on! I finally reach the cloth (after a good nano-nano second- which can be understood as being a lifetime if you look deeply enough), i wrap it around the cup, use the rest of the cloth to grip the lid and finally, magically figure out the tongue and groove lid and put it in place) i reach back while cleaning the cup in a smooth motion of pure joy knowing my baby will have her milk in just a few more nano seconds and she gets it and smiles and puts it to her lips and i smile and then walk to get the milk and go to pick it up but its slippery and it falls on the table, spilling another plop of milk on the table, luckily i have the cloth so i get it wiped up right away and then begin the 5 min search for the lid. * AIR EXHALING DEEPLY *
Now. I know it may have seemed i overdramatized the entire situation, but i assure you thats a pretty accurate description of something that shouldve have been quicker and more efficient, only ending up taking a 7-8 min prolonged turn of events.
are those types of moments significant in any way? or is it just the way of life? the mundane nuances of being humans, needing drinks, having mini freak accidents interfere, things that didnt seem to need any planning or didnt seem like it would waste any energy at all, ending up burning what could be considered a lot of precious time and energy in our moments.
so, maybe its simply our reaction to these moments that count the most. yeah. Maybe we have to blog about EVERY SINGLE ONE OF them to figure em all out! ;)
morning self loathing...
upon dabbing some concealor on some spots on my face, my 2 yr old stands on her tippy-toes with her finger touching her face making a noise indicating she wants some too, i say: oh you dont need this baby, your face is perfection! .. then i felt how gut-wrenchingly self abusive that comment was.. ugh.
oh well.. lets go for a hike!! :)
oh well.. lets go for a hike!! :)
there is a definite difference between girls and boys... all you have to do is watch two of each on a trampoline, above them on the deck. (and more random stuff towards the end...)
the boys stand up and bounce towards each other and crash onto their butts and start wrestling. the girls stand up and say to me: wrestling? why do boys wrestle? its so violent! *both scruntcing up their faces, while one flings her hand out in an expressively disgusted mannor*
im like yeah: it is. why do they? i dont like it either. or boxing."
they both shuddered at the thought of boxing! and hand-flinger girl says, while punching the air: but i love it on wii!! knock out!! 1-2-3-and proceeds to 10(i was going to write all the numbers here just now, to make you read 'em, but im not sure i wouldve captrued the loud, announcer voice she bellowed out anyhow, so there was no point really... and you wouldve only skimmed 'em and i wouldve had to write 'em all out and that takes time, tho maybe not as much as writing this bracket space did. meh.)
her liking it on wii just shows that she enjoys the game of it, but without the violence. if the chartcaters werent so cute and slightly loveable and there was any amount of blood at all, theres no way shed ever play it.
but for some reason those boys play those gory fighting games with lots and lots and more and more blood-just-not-enough-blood!!! (guh!)
i wonder if there are young girls who like the violence as much as the boys do, and who actually play fight and roughly wrestle each other randomly? maybe. tho i dont see many school age girls acting like that or choosing those games. hmm i kinda wana find this out. are there kid-age girls who wrestle and play those video games like those 2 boys tonight? hmm
well. enough of that...
on with this:
the one thing i dislike about the wii characters is the sore looser attitude of them when they lose! they bow their heads in shame... sad, pathetic shame. why cant they stand back and clap their hands, cheering for their opponent? theres no need of teaching that negative loser attitude.
but... my attention switches:
i love babies natural use of “no”. when the 18 mth old shakes her head 'no' at someone or a question, she means NO darnit! a kid on a trampoline leaned in for kisses and she shook her head but he continued to come close, she halted her bounce and screamed and looked him in the face and then shook her head again and continued on her fun little bounce-walk. and he sat back and smiled.
heres where i added: "thats right, no means no. whenever someone says "no" to stop you from getting in their faces, you have to listen and stop!" (peerrrfect. i love getting lil tid-bits out like that to a group of kids ;)
oh and something else random:
working to 'figure out how to live', is really worth the effort. its really about taking your mind and placing it in every moment you find yourself in. its as easy and as hard as that.
being fully aware of all movements and thougths and conversations help calm the mind and help function in a more refined state. and help your personal evolution along at a more efficient rate.
but, sadly for our human development, its easy to get taken away by the fairies of the mind, those thoughts and worries and egoic fantasies and desires and random non-existent dialogues we somehow seem to have with ppl who know nothing about them at all. (annnd im only comfortable saying this now in my life, out loud on a blog, b.c i know its not only me and im not entirely insane or special for being those ways at times and i know that i can overcome anything and everything and i love that i have been learning how to consciously work on it at all. im happy i finally see it, see through it, even tho i will still slip up at times, at least for a while longer. maybe someday i will reach that level of pure joy and no slipping up. but until now. ill enjoy those moments when they pass. b.c they suck while theyre going on!)
anyhow... i rambled a lot after i sat down to post that. ill leave it at this and that.
im like yeah: it is. why do they? i dont like it either. or boxing."
they both shuddered at the thought of boxing! and hand-flinger girl says, while punching the air: but i love it on wii!! knock out!! 1-2-3-and proceeds to 10(i was going to write all the numbers here just now, to make you read 'em, but im not sure i wouldve captrued the loud, announcer voice she bellowed out anyhow, so there was no point really... and you wouldve only skimmed 'em and i wouldve had to write 'em all out and that takes time, tho maybe not as much as writing this bracket space did. meh.)
her liking it on wii just shows that she enjoys the game of it, but without the violence. if the chartcaters werent so cute and slightly loveable and there was any amount of blood at all, theres no way shed ever play it.
but for some reason those boys play those gory fighting games with lots and lots and more and more blood-just-not-enough-blood!!! (guh!)
i wonder if there are young girls who like the violence as much as the boys do, and who actually play fight and roughly wrestle each other randomly? maybe. tho i dont see many school age girls acting like that or choosing those games. hmm i kinda wana find this out. are there kid-age girls who wrestle and play those video games like those 2 boys tonight? hmm
well. enough of that...
on with this:
the one thing i dislike about the wii characters is the sore looser attitude of them when they lose! they bow their heads in shame... sad, pathetic shame. why cant they stand back and clap their hands, cheering for their opponent? theres no need of teaching that negative loser attitude.
but... my attention switches:
i love babies natural use of “no”. when the 18 mth old shakes her head 'no' at someone or a question, she means NO darnit! a kid on a trampoline leaned in for kisses and she shook her head but he continued to come close, she halted her bounce and screamed and looked him in the face and then shook her head again and continued on her fun little bounce-walk. and he sat back and smiled.
heres where i added: "thats right, no means no. whenever someone says "no" to stop you from getting in their faces, you have to listen and stop!" (peerrrfect. i love getting lil tid-bits out like that to a group of kids ;)
oh and something else random:
working to 'figure out how to live', is really worth the effort. its really about taking your mind and placing it in every moment you find yourself in. its as easy and as hard as that.
being fully aware of all movements and thougths and conversations help calm the mind and help function in a more refined state. and help your personal evolution along at a more efficient rate.
but, sadly for our human development, its easy to get taken away by the fairies of the mind, those thoughts and worries and egoic fantasies and desires and random non-existent dialogues we somehow seem to have with ppl who know nothing about them at all. (annnd im only comfortable saying this now in my life, out loud on a blog, b.c i know its not only me and im not entirely insane or special for being those ways at times and i know that i can overcome anything and everything and i love that i have been learning how to consciously work on it at all. im happy i finally see it, see through it, even tho i will still slip up at times, at least for a while longer. maybe someday i will reach that level of pure joy and no slipping up. but until now. ill enjoy those moments when they pass. b.c they suck while theyre going on!)
anyhow... i rambled a lot after i sat down to post that. ill leave it at this and that.
be open to being wrong....
hold your views with importance and dedication, but dont hold them so tightly that you cant mould them or until you squish them gruesomely leaving nothing identifiable in your hands.
going into any situation or conversation believing you will learn something new or tweak an old belief will give way to tremendous growth and experience. it keeps you from being shut off from yourself. it aids in gaining knowledge about yourself, sometimes the universe gives you hints and clues about things you need to change or figure out, and sometimes it spells it right out plainly through someone else yelling at you. those moments, and all the other ones, are all there for reasons. you may not have to consciously pay attention to all of them, but i think being open to possibility that you can is important.
and be sure to have views... dont fear sharing them, for someone else just might learn something through you.
going into any situation or conversation believing you will learn something new or tweak an old belief will give way to tremendous growth and experience. it keeps you from being shut off from yourself. it aids in gaining knowledge about yourself, sometimes the universe gives you hints and clues about things you need to change or figure out, and sometimes it spells it right out plainly through someone else yelling at you. those moments, and all the other ones, are all there for reasons. you may not have to consciously pay attention to all of them, but i think being open to possibility that you can is important.
and be sure to have views... dont fear sharing them, for someone else just might learn something through you.
sometimes i feel im choking on my need for conversations
i feel i am lacking deep, philosophical conversations. i want to have a group of ppl who meet to talk and brainstorm and delve deep into ideas, in ways most ppl dont care to do.
i feel as though im seeking a group of ppl to work with and create with.
i feel i cant do it all on my own... "all" being the million things i want to be apart of and create, things i dont even know yet!
how can i meet ppl? where can i go? maybe i need to join a group? i dont know.
i feel alone and much too independent.
one of these days im going to be sitting in a room of ppl and smile and be grateful for finally finding these ppl and their wonderful brains!!
until then, i will actively draw them to me somehow.
i feel as though im seeking a group of ppl to work with and create with.
i feel i cant do it all on my own... "all" being the million things i want to be apart of and create, things i dont even know yet!
how can i meet ppl? where can i go? maybe i need to join a group? i dont know.
i feel alone and much too independent.
one of these days im going to be sitting in a room of ppl and smile and be grateful for finally finding these ppl and their wonderful brains!!
until then, i will actively draw them to me somehow.
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