trying to write and also be a stay-at-home mom (of children and pets) poses over-lapping moments that i could maybe do without.

for the most part, its quite smooth for an hour or more steady some days, tho most times im only getting snippets of lines jotted down randomly thorough out the day; on the macbook, on my cellphone or a scrap of paper. It looks like a verbal accident scene if you step back and look at it, words and letters and typos strewn between the technologies and random pieces of paper and notebooks i have everywhere.

so for the most part, those writing hours or moments are often quite zen and relaxing and joyfully overwhelming when i think about them too much. I love sitting there writing or reading, and taking a split moment to look around the room and revel in the surroundings that are my life. baby playing joyfully next to me with books or blocks or fake fruit or paper and a marker, meg either out with her friends or reading or playing next to me or in the other room, drew off doing his things somewhere in the house or the world, a dove probably on my head or cooing on the railing, ralfee the bestest puppy in the world snoozing next to me, the bunny sitting with ears popped up , wiggling from her chewing, the plants being their amazing selves just happy to be there in the room with us, its quite relaxing and productive for us all really.

But then randomly, as im sitting there lost in some world or idea im blabbering about, something over-excitable happens to snap me out of my world. sometimes mid-word. Either ralfee will start her thunderously vicious barking as if someone with a gun just ran in here or the dove will fly outta nowhere and feathers will attack me in a gust of fluttery wind and thats enough to scare the crap out of some ppl no matter what theyre doing!, or drew will sing out something random to think about or ask a question about something (more than likely asking where something is;), or meg will run up to me about something important or just walk in the room singing something randomly loud.
Or perhaps: sunara will all-of-a-sudden get tremendously upset about something, letting a huge freak-out shriek from wherever she is in the room-sometimes right next to my head. That gets my heart pumping! Like wtf is wrong..are you IN PAIN!?!?
The worst moments are when something happens in mid sentence, scaring the crap out of the thought and making it run away forever!
I just barely feel the grammar of the emotion or idea, had it slightly brewing waiting to be eloquently formed in a sentence, but it wasnt brewing quiet long enough, you couldnt even tell there had been a teabag in the water by the looks of of those few watery words i poured out. (wait, yeah its awkward sometimes when i try to run with a metaphor)-
But the point: the thought is GONE!
The first 3 or so words hang awkwardly in the white air and i tune out for a split second (which means i take a nano-moment to myself, out of the room, of a barking dog, bird flying at my head, or baby screaming from down by my feet) to try and see if i could just type the rest of it really fast, just for a second, surely it wont take longer than a second, to have a thought that i just had! b.c i realllly want to get that thought out, i really really do...or maybe,sadly, DID want to get it out... GUH stupid short term memory. I think apple should do the next version of the human brain- the wordprocessor saves all words as i type! If theres a program failure, all i have to do wait for the recovery to pop up and open it again and VOILA! there it is, in all its genius glory! See, if the human brain worked like that, i could just jump up and go to whatever the interruption was and safely trust the idea will pop right back up when i sit to finish the line. Pfft. That hasnt happened yet.

I usually have to take my nano-moment and sit and pray for the rest of the words to appear, just hurrying the thought to come out, hurry hurrrrry, it should only take a second right? I DID just have this thought didnt i? WHERE THE HELL IS THE THOUGHT! AHGHGGHHH!

Then, over my overzealously loud inner voice, I hear the dog bark or the question repeated or feel poop on my face from the bird, or the baby freaks-out and screams at me again: MOOOMMMMYYEEEEEEE!!
if its her: sometimes i look at her, and it appears there is nothing wrong. Im like, you interrupted this glorious thought for NOTHING? But i smile ... and move on.
(for the record! : all that too took way longer to read about, and even more 'way longer' to write about, than it took to actually happen, its not like i sit for hours and let my baby scream on the floor (havent gotten hate mail yet, surely something will trigger it eventually, ill always try to offer some words to cover my ass, i mean, explian myself.)

i know random interruptions are inevitable, its all in how i deal with them that must count.
so i try to always graciously put down my desire of finishing the thought and go to the kid, or the person, or the dog, or the door, or the phone, try to figure out what this interruption wants with me.
I take the opportunity to give the law of attraction a chance to prove itself to me again, so i gratefully remind myself that the line will probably finish it self sometime, or the idea will come about again in some other way when its ready, or (depending on my mood that day)...it wont and that line may have been my only chance to positively change the course of my entire life and the universe forever and now its GONE GONE GONNNE!!!
breathe in.
Breathe out.
Smile.
Make fun of myself in blog form.

2 comments:

  1. I can relate. Which means I've given up trying :( I tend to come up with my best stuff at night, alone in my room so Im thinking about getting a mini comp just to keep by my bed for those moments. I always think faster than I can write by hand anyway. I dont know how many amazing thoughts I've had and been too lazy to go downstairs to the computer or to find a pen in the dark. I always think I'll remember them in the morning, but I never do.

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  2. i know me too! while im trying to get to sleep my mind is racing and i always want to jump out of bed, sometiems i do, or sometimes ill write in my blackberry lol whatever works!
    and its tough to be on a night time schedule when we gota be up with kids all day .. but itll happen! we'll get things done, one jotted down line at a time! haha

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